I am the Meanest Mommy in the Whole Wide World. I am forced to make rules & observations that I never knew would be necessary before I became a parent. I lead an exciting life in Iowa as a stay-at-home-mom, birth activist, and knitter.
Do your kids provide great material for Parenting Rules too? Email me at MeanestMommysRules at Gmail dot com with your favorite rule (sending photos is optional), and maybe I’ll post yours too.
FYI… This blog is supposed to be complete & utter silliness. If you don’t find it funny, that’s okay. You don’t have to read it. 😉
Rules by the Meanest Mommy in the Whole Wide World 
Love the blog. I hope that the world wide web is still kicking when your kids are old enough to appreciate this!
I’m sure my kids will hate me for this way before they appreciate it.
You are the meanest mommy in the world!
I know your kids and I can’t believe that all of these rules are really necessary for three sweeties like them.
Ooooh…my friend Lisa will soon be a blogging sensation. Can’t wait to share!
Hey Lisa! Thanks for putting these all in one place! I’ll check back regularly! :o) As another mean mommy- I totally relate to most all of your rules. . . I’m just not clever enough to write them down :o)
Thanks, Jill! I’m having fun with it so far. 🙂
Okay, you are just too funny…I added you to my permanent homepage; you can check it out here:
http://www.examiner.com/x-5645-Parenting-Humor-Examiner
thanks for making me laugh,
Annette
examiner.com
Thanks, Annette! 🙂
I am not a mom yet but I am the oldest of 7 kids (4 girls, 3 boys total) so I can appreciate your very hilarious list of rules 🙂 Thanks!
~Melissa
http://www.nursingbirth.com
Meanest Mommy-
You know years from now, when your kids are having their own, one of them is sure to say, “Thanks for being the Meanest Mommy in the Whole Wide World.”
I hope so! But I suspect this blog might cause them to thank me for sending them straight to therapy. 😉
OMG, this blog is hilarious. Motherhood has definately caused me to string words together that I’m pretty sure were never supposed to end up in the same sentence. Just one little correction, though: I’m pretty sure I’m the meanest mommy in the world. But you just may be the funniest!
Thanks, Noelle! Aren’t we ALL the Meanest Mommies?
I love the humor this brings into my day. Your rules remind me that I just have to laugh some days! Like this afternoon.
My 2 year old stole her baby brother’s pacifier, and I couldn’t believe that I had to employ a new rule:
Please don’t put your brother’s pacifier down your pants!
Thanks for contributing to my sanity!
Angela
Thanks, Angela! I’m glad you are enjoying it!
none of you could possibly be as mean as i am…i have three teenagers….i could write a book about how mean i am!
teenager rule #1
“wha?” and “i don’t know” are not answers to any question or request!
P.s. — I’m a birth junkie too!
How do I submit a rule? This just in: No, you may not glue some of those googly-eyes on your penis and scare your brother and/or dad tonight when you’re changing into your pajamas at bedtime.
I don’t know why, you just can’t.
From “The Meanest Mommy in the Known Universe!” (a direct quote from our seven-year-old when he was just six!) ;>)
P.S. LOVE YOUR BLOG!
Jessa – I’m glad you like the blog. 🙂 You can submit rules to meanestmommysrules (at) gmail (dot) com. But I will just cut & paste this one right into the next rule. I need to put one up for today.
Thanks! Meanest Mommy
OMG!!! I have said almost all of these things to my kids!! This blog is hiliarious, I only wish I thought of it myself. Love it and it’s nice to know that there are other MEAN MOMMIES out there (which I am told I am on a regular basis)!
Thanks, Kris! I’m glad you like it. 🙂 From one Meanest Mommy to another…
This is hilarious! What a great idea. Is it ok if I mention your blog at some point? I think a lot of my readers would also find it funny. Keep on making those rules 🙂
Yes, feel free to mention my blog or link to it. I’m glad you’re enjoying it! 🙂
how did i miss this site…..too funny
No, you may not use the curb between the narrow pavement and the busy road as a balance beam as you walk to school carrying your overstuffed bookbag, violin, lunch box and swimming gear.
Please don’t poop in the bath, that you are sharing with your brother, who I just got done convincing that you would not poop in the tub with.
No, that strange man we’ve never seen before today is not your Daddy, please do not address him as such. His wife does not like it.
If you overhear ”noises” coming from Mommy and Daddy’s room at night, it is not ok to try to imitate those noises for our house guests the next day.
Son, I KNOW Aunt J. has a large bosom, it is not okay to climb into her lap and squeeze them repeatedly while winking at her and cooing, “Boooobies..”
Pls do not duct tape the cat.
Just because we are playing outside and you have to go to the bathroom, doesn’t mean you need to practice your aim in mommy’s watering can.
If your brother takes your toy, please refrain from screaming so loud that the neighbors across the street come over here to see if your being kidnapped. Thanks.
A rule we were forced to implement – “Do not put the cat in anything.”
Soooo needed this today. Thank you from the bottom of my horribly mean heart.
I just discovered your blog, I cannot stop crying because I’m laughing so hard.
And here I thought I was the Meanest Mommy. I love this blog. LOVE.IT.
Pingback: 2010 in review | Rules by the Meanest Mommy in the Whole Wide World
Pingback: 2010 in review | Rules by the Meanest Mommy in the Whole Wide World
I really like these rules, I have a little kids, some rules are really suitable for them. Thanks for sharing all this. Would you might if I transfer some of them into Chinese and put on my Facebook?
Yes, you are welcome to put them on Facebook as long as you link to my blog (http://meanestmommy.com) & my Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/MeanestMommy).
Thank you! Meanest Mommy
If you wet the bed in the middle of the night (or your brother does and you roll into it), it is perfectly okay to take off your clothes to get dry ones… but it is **not** okay to leave the wet ones in the middle of the floor. Where mommy will step on them when you call her because you need dry sheets.
1. I’m sure the cat would appreciate it if you would just take my word for it on the “cats always land on their feet” theory.
2. Please don’t comb your sister’s hair with the toilet brush, especially after you dipped it in the toilet.
3. If you or your little brother poop in the bath water, please tell me about it instead of just throwing the poop out onto the rug.
I just found your blog and am loving it! Too funny! I can’t imagine there is a mom out there who can’t relate…the stuff we have to say…
Love your blog. How about “These nice people eating their dinners at this fancy poolside restaurant don’t think that throwing giant cane toads into the pool is that funny. But they probably do think it’s funny to watch your fully clothed mommy in the pool trying to catch them.” No picture of that but pretty sure we’re not allowed back at that hotel.
Good morning. Just wanted to let you know I nominated you for versatil blog award. I always love to see our new rule each day on my reader. I do think you are mistaken about being the meanest mommy in the whole wide world though becaue according to my kids I am. Anyway here is the link to the award and thanks for brightenin my day! http://wp.me/p2n3MW-3m