Rule #549: It is never acceptable to use your penis as an air guitar. In front of the large glass window. Facing the beach.
Thanks, Celeste J., the meanest big sister in the whole wide world.
Rule #534: It’s not okay, upon seeing an older woman, to yell to me across the playground, “Wow, look at how old she is! Isn’t it amazing she’s not dead yet!”
Thanks, Kate M.
Rule #528: When you are waiting in line for communion, it’s not okay to touch the bottom of the person in front of you and say, “boop!”
Thanks, Tyra M.
Rule #520: When you see a woman in a black burqa at Target, please do not yell loudly over and over, “Look! It’s a ninja lady!”
Thanks, Dana B.
Rule #513: When I grab your hand to stop you from hitting your brother – again – in the grocery store, the correct reaction is not to scream, “You’re touching me wrong!”
Thanks, Aimee S.
Rule #507: When Mommy is shopping for new bras, please do not undress the mannequins.
Thanks, Kathy S.
Rule #505: When I ask you to hurry, please do not throw yourself to the ground in front of strangers and scream, “Don’t push me!”
Thanks, Amanda A.
Rule #502: It is not acceptable to comment on the size of mommies “booboos” in public. It is even worse to tell other women that your mommy has bigger booboos than they do.
Thanks, Jessica W.
Rule #467: When you are potty training, and daddy is trying to teach you how to aim, it is not appropriate to scream, “NO TOUCH MY PENIS!” at the top of your lungs. Especially when you are in a busy McDonalds restroom.
Thanks, Vallere S.
Rule #466: Please refrain from yelling to everyone in the Obstetrician’s waiting room that “My Mama is having a baby sister, and it’s going to come out of her pee-pee butt!”
Thanks, Rilana M.