Rule #523: Using your manners does not include saying “Excuse me poop” or “Sorry poop” or even “Please pass the poop.”
Thanks, Annamarie A.
Rule #421: There is nothing about drinking milk that requires a fork.
Thanks, Meaghann B.
Rule #420: When you see a woman with an eye patch at Walmart, perhaps it’s best not to shout, “HEY! SHE’S A PIRATE!”
Thanks, Molly H.
Rule #407: When you ask Mommy the question, “Can you bring me some dangerous things, please?” she will always, always say, “No.” And it does not make any difference if you use your manners.
Thanks, Kristina F.
Rule #319: Please do not ask the company if they’d like to go in the bathroom and take a look at your poop.
Rule #233: When we go out to dinner with your father’s relatives, it is not a good time to experiment with new ways to eat spaghetti: namely, sucking it through a straw. As fast as possible. While laughing and saying, “You try it, too!”
Thanks, Wendy W.!
Rule #139: Please do not throw ketchup packets and pickles at our new friends. At least wait until we know them better.
Sorry, MaryAnn & kids. We’re working on manners, I swear.
Rule #64: When all the other kids are meeting the new teacher and saying, “Nice to meet you Ms. J.,” and shaking her hand, I wish you wouldn’t make that strange series of noises & head butt her.