Rule #384: When I say “Go wash your hands, and don’t empty all the soap into the sink this time,” it does not mean you may proceed to pump the entire contents of the soap dispenser into the toilet instead — and then flush repeatedly to make more bubbles.
Thanks, Wendy W.
Rule #263: When I allow you to pee standing up like Daddy, it is not okay to poop at the same time.
Thanks, Irma C.!
Rule #251: When I ask you to keep an eye on your sister, please do not smear brownie batter on her head.
Thanks, Melissa M.!
Rule #238: No, I will not come over to see the high score on your computer game when I am in the middle of cleaning up massive amounts of water that your brother spilled on the bathroom floor.
Rule #221: No wiping chocolate all over your legs. It looks like poop, and the people in the store where I cleaned you up were not impressed.
Thanks, Becca W.!
Rule #211: If you want scrambled eggs, please just ask. Do not make them on the carpet of your bedroom floor.
Thanks, Christine Z.!
Rule #197: Do not put your forehead on your plate directly in the pile of ketchup. And if you do, at least refrain right after you’ve had a bath.
Trying to look on the bright side here… at least it’s not blood.